


The Little Things

by janetcarter



Category: Babylon 5
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Sex, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:54:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26659303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janetcarter/pseuds/janetcarter
Summary: It was the little things, fingertips brushing against his when handing him a pen or bumping into one another while cooking, that made Lyta feel things she'd vowed to never feel again.
Relationships: Lyta Alexander/G'Kar
Kudos: 9
Collections: Hurt/Comfort Bingo - Round 11





	The Little Things

**Author's Note:**

> Realized I was at my 69th B5 submission sooooo I decided to write this for it! It also brings me up past 69k words on my account babey!! I… barely touched on smut here despite knowing all that but I swear I tried. Turns out I just love the emotional side of their relationship more than anything and THAT is worthy of all the 69 jokes on its own.
> 
> Anyway this little overview of their relationship is for the Hurt/Comfort Bingo prompt "Touch Starved."

People were afraid to touch telepaths. They were even more afraid to touch telepaths like Lyta: telepaths associated with the Vorlons, enhanced by the Vorlons, and abandoned by the Vorlons. Telepaths who spent the last of their days on Babylon 5 in a straitjacket and chains, as though a cell could've really contained her even then.

She hadn't worn gloves since her Psi Corps days; both eras of them. The second one had been even worse because, unlike before when she couldn't remember a time before gloves, she knew what she was missing. She knew what it was like to have Zack's fingers linger on hers a bit longer than they should've. Even if she didn't return the feelings he was so disastrous at hiding, slipping the gloves back on meant actively saying goodbye.

She was glad, in a way, they'd opted for handcuffs instead of gloves when leading her off the station. It felt less dehumanizing almost, even though she really wasn't human anymore, to be shackled rather than suppressed.

G'Kar refused to have her do any of that and, frankly, she was still waiting for the punchline. Was he trying to get her to trust him, to feel safe so he could take advantage? Really, even if he had the power to, he didn't seem like the type. He never peeped on her in the shower. There were times she'd come out wearing a towel just to see, but he'd always look away as soon as he caught himself staring. One time he even put a blanket over her when she fell asleep in the co-pilot chair.

Maybe he was afraid of her. But then, he never hesitated to speak his mind or stand beside her while making dinner. He'd reach over into the cabinets or grab a knife from the drawer next to her as though she weren't the monster everyone warned him about.

She stayed out of his mind, but… heartbeats can be loud when they want to be. Thoughts can, too. And despite all that, she never sensed anything malicious; just intrigued.

So then, was because of their deal? Obviously that was why he brought her along, but he didn't have to go all the extra steps. Narns wanted telepaths, but she was the more desperate party. She couldn't afford to tell his government to fuck off. If she didn't know any better, she'd think he was just… decent. But that sort of thing didn't exist, at least not when she was the target.

Besides, every single species capable of selfishness clung to it like their lives depended on it, and, well, that was because it did. Races that didn't centralize focus on their own advancement never survived the threats banging down their doors. Narns especially knew it all too well. Those who didn't prioritize their own self interests got wiped out, plain and simple. 

Maybe that's why this was driving her so insane. She'd landed herself with an exception to a rule no one ever dreamed of breaking. Being loyal and giving only ever fucked her over in the end. Someone like G'Kar should've figured the same out by now given all he'd been through. He knew there were consequences if you didn't build your walls high and keep your weapons aimed. But he instead gave her a place to crash and greeted her with open arms ( _ the good kind, _ even). Too bad she'd never take the latter invitation.

She was interested, of course, in a base level of intimacy. It's not like there was anyone else to fulfill those urges with out here. But even though sometimes his gaze lingered, he never made advances. Frankly, it made her feel undesirable, especially given his insatiable track record with human girls.

It also meant when she handed him a pen and his fingers brushed against hers, fireworks burst in her chest. Touch was always something telepaths coveted, but she felt _ ridiculous _ to have had that reaction; especially when he seemed so calm.

When they'd say goodnight from across the hall, she realized for the first time how much distance such a tiny ship could really hold. She realized how long four seconds of unsaid words could really be, but she'd bite her lip and collapse in her quarters like they were just roommates. On occasion, she had a hard time believing G'Kar had an easy time with it either.

There was a time when she'd gotten drunker than she should've, and he was… well, he was G'Kar. Truthfully, she didn't remember the night very well. G'Kar had had to fill in the embarrassing details at a later date. But she remembered how things ended all on her own.

"Telepaths aren't supposed to drink," she'd said, proud of only slightly slurring her words. A laugh burst against her throat. "But who's gonna stop me all the way out here?"

"I think I might," G'Kar had said. He stole the bottle away before her reflexes kicked in, or any common sense to just telekinetically steal it back, so she faceplanted on the table with a dramatic sigh.

"Why can't you just… let me have a little fun?" She brought her fingers almost-together and squinted at him through the pinch.

"Because I'd much rather you not crash the ship while I am not looking." He placed the bottle in a cabinet. "Or throw up everywhere again."

"That was one time, and I cleaned it." She cleared her throat. "Most of it."

"Come, you're going to bed."

Things had gotten pretty fuzzy, but she felt something hot wash over her as she watched him. "Why don't you join me?"

His eyes must've been bulging for her to be able to tell they'd widened at all. "Another time, perhaps. Up you go."

His hands were gentle around her even though he was supporting the majority of her weight as she stumbled over her own two feet. Truthfully, she could hardly tell where her feet even were at this point. But he'd guided her into her room, and into her bed, and despite her tugging at him to stay…

She woke up alone. Alone, and all tucked in. And with his modified hangover remedy sitting on her bedside table.

So she knew it wasn't all a show. There was something genuine there, something she wasn't wrong to not-so-secretly pine after. But even if it was a real chance at… whatever they could have, it didn't matter. She wasn't going to be here long. It wasn't worth getting attached just to leave. It was like the gloves all over again: learning what there is to miss and throwing it away. But intentions never really do mean much, do they?

There was a day he'd asked her to help him with lotion for his spots. Something about a custom of getting them buffed so they grow bigger, which wasn't something he could do all the way out here.

"It is considered very attractive among Narns," he said proudly as she worked.

"You're attractive enough," slipped from her mouth. Her smile dropped as soon as she realized what she'd said. "So why do Narns go through all the trouble of buffing if they can just do this?"

"It is far weaker and far less efficient. There is also a sort of… social element of the parlors. The ointment is reserved for Narns who cannot afford them or are off world."

As her hands trailed down the back of his head, she noticed a scar poking from the collar of his undershirt. And another. And another. They were like bare, pointed tree branches at the edge of fall. Or maybe at the edge of spring; he'd made it out to the other side of harsh winter storms.

She almost groaned when she realized she was picking up his habit of rambling through metaphors. The point was, he'd been through so much but he was still… still so kind. She couldn't understand it.

"Is everything alright?"

"Hmm? Yeah, fine." She looked down at her hands and realized she'd stopped at the edge of his collar. "Just admiring your spots, obviously."

At least it got him to laugh a little. She didn’t know when that had become such a comforting sound.

It was going to be another thing to miss, wouldn't it? 

Part of her thought it was a sign she was already in too deep. The other part thought it was a sign she might as well go deeper. If she was already going to lose him, she might as well make the pain worth it; even though avoiding heartbreak altogether had once been the plan.

Plans always betrayed her in the end. Psi Corps tried to break her, the Vorlons left, and, well, look at where she ended up with the Telepath Resistance. Look at where she ended up with G'Kar. She tried to remind herself that their time together had an expiration date. But the closer they got, the more it felt like they only existed in their own little galactic cocoon where a whole war didn't rest entirely on her shoulders.

It was hard to remind herself of a life without him with his hand caressing her arm. "Are you alright?"

She was facing away from him, teeth clenched, fighting the feeling in her chest. "I think this was a mistake."

"Was I not what you expected?" He was trying to keep a light tone, but he couldn't hide the disappointment tinting the words.

"That's the problem. You're amazing. You're… You're considerate and fun and really, really good at sex. Like,  _ really, _ really good." She fought a smile. "But I can't stay forever."

She heard him take a deep breath, felt him shift on her mattress. "Is it so bad to enjoy the time we have?"

"It's not that I want it to be, but I'm… I don't want to miss you more than I already will."

"Do you think I won't miss you as well?"

She paused for a moment. "I didn't expect it, in all honesty. Everyone else has been fine leaving me behind." But she would be the one leaving him this time. The thought of him actually caring, actually being hurt like she'd been, made her heart sink. He couldn't care. He wasn't allowed to.

"How could I not?" he asked. It was an answer her heart began rejecting before it'd come out of his mouth, but every word was harder and harder to push away. "Lyta, you have made my life exhilarating."

She was glad she was facing away from him, because if he saw the look on her face she might've broken into tears. "What, I'm not  _ also _ good at sex?"

"I'm surprised you need an answer to that question after everything." That, she could agree with. The noises he'd made were an ego boost she didn’t know she'd needed. Unfortunately, his light laugh ended with a sigh. "But there is so much more to you than that."

She turned over and stroked his enamored face, trying to immortalize every ridge and spot in her memory. She thought the fireworks would go away if she just gave in, but they flashed stronger than ever when his lips met hers once again.

She thought she'd been swimming too deep all this time but, as it turned out, she'd already drowned. 


End file.
